Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Kettles Ahoy

What the hell was that? I sat bolt upright in bed. I had been rudely awakened with a loud bang, but now all was silent.

Climbing out of bed to check, I pressed my ear to the wall. Listening, I strained but heard nothing. Grumbling, I went down the short hall and checked the door peephole. Again nothing. I could swear I had heard faint voices, it was 3am.

Getting up later, ~ it was still on my mind as I put the kettle on for a cup of tea.

While I waited for it to boil, I switched on the computer, trying to wake up. It had been a few bad nights now with little sleep and I was a bit grumpy. Merry ho ho ho, right! ~

Something wasn’t right. Walking to the kitchen I checked the kettle, nothing. Oh no not again, I groaned. It just didn’t seem to want to start boiling. It got just short of boiling point and conked out, ~ switching it on, I tried again. I remembered the episodes of previous kettles before we settled on this one. ~ Well we wrestled with that thing all day, then finally gave up.

I hate it when you have to boil water in a pan. When I checked the warranty I discovered we were still in under the wire. That at least was a good thing. So next day after another erratic night, we cleaned it up, descaled the kettle with the proverbial vinegar, all ready to go. A thought then crossed my mind, ~ well maybe we should try a boil just to be sure before we contact them. ~

Well I’ll be! Yep she started working again alright. That prompted the remark from me that the kettle had been talking to the toaster and the fridge! Remember those?

~ Weird! Maybe those were the voices I heard?

It’s getting pretty bad when you start to believe that inanimate objects actually talk to each other, but then of course, there’s always a good argument for computers?

So there we were just sailing right along, this Englishman, with the kettle and his cup of tea! I might have known though, the euphoria lasted all of three days! The kettle died much the same way as before, the sleepless nights continued, but this time the voices were silent.

We’ve tried most all the stores for a replacement, and we have gone through much the same as the last episode, which has put me into something of a ‘small appliance rage’, trying to get a reliable instrument of torture.

An Englishman without his morning cuppa can be ugly! But tell that to the kettle, all it does is laugh and go zonk!

We do a fair amount of shopping at “The great Canadian Superstore” Loblaws for short, the store famous for its “Presidents Choice” products. So while touring this huge grocery store, which now seems to sell everything, from the food off the shelf right down to the seats you sit in to eat. The wife, checking out their small appliance section comes across this promising looking kettle. ~

It now resides in our kitchen, works fantastic and is most definitely forbidden to talk to the other appliances!



Janice Thomson said...

LOL I swear there are times these appliances have a major grudge against we humans. But I must admit you have way more luck than anyone I know at reviving them - do you sweet-talk them or something of that nature? Glad to know you got a good kettle this time - we wouldn't want grumpy posts because you couldn't partake of your morning cuppa :)

swenglishexpat said...

Of course they can talk, didn't you know? :-)

Julie said...

Oh funny - I love the 'Small Appliance Rage'.Eric, this could have the makings of a domestic sit com, written with the dialogue between the disgruntled toaster, exploding kettle and moody microwave ...a real aga saga?

newnorth said...

lol, I hope you have a good divider set up :p

Eric Valentine said...

Hi Janice, one does have to wonder sometimes, 'What did we do wrong?' with some appliances, the way they behave. :)

I wish I did have an answer/remedy to combat a kettle's pranks at times.

We are creatures of habit though ~ me with my tea, perhaps yourself with your morning coffee? :)

Eric Valentine said...

LOl Swen, but of course I did. I just need something to 'Sing' about most days.

Welcome back my friend, I hope you are well rested after the festivities. :)

Eric Valentine said...

You know , when I look at it that way Julie, that is a very astute observation, and of course you're right.

I can almost see it now! LOL.... I like the term "Aga Saga."

Now you have given me a great idea for the future Julie, thanks again. :)

Eric Valentine said...

Hi Newnorth, good to see you again.

Yes methinks much more and a referee will be in order ~ God forbid they ever got unionized! Can you see it!.. :)

Leon said...

All I could think about as I was reading this was that old Little Teapot song. . .but now I can't remember the words. I'm glad you once again have a working teapot; being around a tea deprived Englishman must be a frightening experience! :-D

Thanks for the extra smiles you brought to my soul today.

nessie said...

Being a coffee girl I recently converted to tea (tisane really) and invested in a kettle.

I went to Centre de Razor (I do not know what it would be called in Ontario but am certain they have a chain there) and invested in a CORDLESS kettle. No stove top business. 100$ and let me tell you the best thing I ever bought.

As an Englishman, do you stick with Orange Pecos or do you vary? This has always been a facinating aspect when I dared have tea with "the English". hehehe

I enjoy Japanese teas such as jasmine and barley.

My computer's name is Faust, my e-reader's name is Norman and my tv has not been "baptized" yet since not intirly installed. They speak with me all the time. Havent you seen Jurassic Park II? "You need to talk to your electronics!"

Margie said...

Hi Eric
I'm a big tea drinker, and have many tea pots as well as English bone china cups and saucers.
It seems I always have the kettle on for tea.

I really enjoyed this post!
Thanks my friend!


Kawana Aminata Oliver said...


Monique said...

That was a lot of fun reading that story. Appliances eh? They like to give up when needed most.

Singing Stream said...

Yes Swen...they can talk alright, and they can hear really good too. If they hear you talking about having an extra bit of money in your pocket, they break down every time! LOL shhhhh LOL ;^D

Good story Eric...:^D

Eric Valentine said...

Hi Leon, (I'm a little teapot short & stout etc) hahaha you mean that one of course.

I may bring you smiles my friend, but you in return bring me pleasure and warmth, a treasure indeed. :)

Eric Valentine said...

Hello & welcome Nessie, always nice to see a new face, do come again.
Most of the kettles around here are cordless nowadays, but that doesn't mean they can't go on strike! LOL

Yes I drink orange pekoe tea & I like a strong cup, so I buy mostly Tetleys, an English tea. I have tried some of the other Earl Grey type teas but I prefer my OP tea.

I have been to Japan but never did latch on to the tea there. :)

As for talking to my electronics, well.. ~ I believe they are familier most when the air is blue if they break down hahaha but I am learning to be more diplomatic... :)

Eric Valentine said...

Hello Margie, welcome to the kitchen. :)

I think the reason mine breaks down, is really because they are forever on the boil. :)

I used to collect all different kinds of Teapots years ago, you'd be surprised at the assortments there are out there. So glad you enjoyed the post Margie, a little levity works wonders I think. :)

Eric Valentine said...

Hi Kawana, thanks for the visit, I can see you got a chuckle out of the moment. :)

Eric Valentine said...

Hello Monique, nice of you to drop by. Glad you enjoyed the story.

Yes they can be more temperamental than a child sometimes. :)

Eric Valentine said...

Very funny Singing Stream LOL.... Now appliancies have ears too! hahaha... Glad you enjoyed as always..

BTW you are my #5000 here, quite the milestone eh? :)

Julie said...


If you dabble with a skit, Aggie would be a good name for the kettle....

drips of paint said...

thanks for the tip of vineger...those annoying scale must go ... I have been wondering how to get rid of them

Eric Valentine said...

Hi Julie, yes Aggie sounds like a good olde fashioned Scots name? LoL
I will keep it in mind. :)

Eric Valentine said...

Hi Tim, welcome my friend, I see you are still quite busy.

Yes 3 cups of vinegar then fill with water to your normal level let stand over night.. It will do the trick on the build up.

Another Tip: you can run the same mix through your coffee pot after you've done the kettle. Good Luck :)

January 11, 2008 4:02 PM

zirelda said...

Good job. If I remember Beauty and the Beast, the kettle talked quite a bit.....

Eric Valentine said...

Thanks Z, I never saw the movie but it's on my list now of ones to see. :)

shades of twilight said...

beautiful piece of writing.. i remember my childhood, when i believed everything were alive and could talk, and spent hours playing and talking to inanimate objects in my house..since i was the only child, and had to wait a bit long for my sis to come...

Eric Valentine said...

Thanks for the compliment Shades.

You are right of course, I remember when as a child I used to command all my toy soldiers into battle. LOL

I too was the first born. :)

Shameless said...

I just hope this new one keeps quiet and does its job well! :-) lol

Eric Valentine said...

Hello my friend, thanks for dropping by.

It should work out fine,
right now it sings & purrs just like a kettle! (groan) LOL