I wrote this account a couple of years ago of an event in my life. I have never looked back, sadly I wonder what took me so long to come to my senses. ~~
Wearily I opened my eyes, somewhat apprehensive as to what this day would bring.
Yesterday I was so full of fire and determination about the agenda for today. This morning though most of the flames had dulled a little, as one more time I started to get myself into the survival mode.
Almost daily, I get reminders from my body of where I am today because of the cigarette. That causes me to think of how good things used to be like, oh so many years ago now. Such stupidity.
Of course this is my war against the dreaded cigarette. Like many others before me I have been humbled by the weed for far too long. It almost seems like this has been a hundred year war with no end in sight. So many battles, albeit the war rages on as I win a small encounter here and there.
There was a time when the cigarette was ruler supreme, as he had me puffing merrily away at the rate of thirty five a day hacking and coughing my socks up on a daily basis.
In looking back though I have come a long way since those days, but the war isn’t over quite yet and the hacking continues.
This is not the first time that I have tried to end this war and failed. In the past though, I realize now that I was ill prepared still being at the pack plus a day level. That’s when I reckon you could say I went into training and started my withdrawal routine to get the numbers and their strengths down to where I stood a fighting chance of success.
Now I know that there is some kind of a fallacy about regular strength and light cigarettes. It is true that with the removal of the filter, there is no difference in tobacco strength, however; it does show that with the filter left in place the filter does make some difference in taste. Despite all the semantics, the one unmistakable fact is, there is no minimizing the damage done to the lungs etc, regardless of regular or light cigarettes.
Through whatever means employable, I was able to cut down on the consumption numbers to an improving one pack a day. That was in the beginning of my resolve. Over the period of two years, I have got that number down to an all out attack of four or five smokes a day. But I can’t take all the credit for that achievement, I had a couple of scares along the way which any fool would recognize as an incentive.
Today I had elected to execute the coup de grace, kill this monster once and for all. But as the hours tick by this thing just eats away at you deep inside. I reckon that’s what they mean by craving, luckily so far I am in control and winning this battle today.
That’s what prompted me to sit down and write something about this, for everything helps to keep the Tiger at bay a little longer. Stay focused, face my enemy head on and it seems, get a little stronger by the hour. Nay! Even by the minute.
So what say thee Sir Weed!, feel like a joust today? What’s that you say? I can’t hope to win? Well guess what. Today I think I can!
E. Valentine March 28/06 ©
As a postscript, I finally applied this on July 3/06 and have not smoked since. It is my belief, that one has to really psyche oneself up enough to make this work. It did for me.