Recently my health has taken a bit of a plunge as I went through a rough period. When things like this happen it always makes things more difficult for Elizabeth. With so much ongoing with neighbors, at times our patience wears a bit thin. It’s easy to get down in the dumps over minor setbacks.
As if things weren’t tough enough, a week ago Elizabeth, who has an existing heart condition, had an attack of arrhythmia which put her into the hospital. I even had to get a friend to drive her in for I was having trouble breathing, and couldn’t get ready fast enough. The last time this happened I was in better shape and able to get her to the hospital in a hurry.
After a while I got the call that they would be keeping her in at least overnight.
That’s when I blew it and I got angry at God! I doubt what I had to say would qualify as a prayer, but who knows.
I guess when we are struggling with a full plate, inevitably it will overflow and that overload is what set me off. I can’t recall whether I was more upset or just plain angry, probably both. I sat by the phone after the call feeling very alone and really scared. First I was scared for I was worried sick about Elizabeth. I also didn’t know yet how serious this attack would work out to be.
I think that for the first time, the reality of how precarious and vulnerable our position is, really struck home. Here we were, Elizabeth having an attack and I was too incapacitated to help her! The enormity of the dangerous possibilities washed over me like a tidal wave and I wanted to be sick.
I sat there with my head in my hands, tears rolling down my cheeks. Then I spoke out loud, to God I guess. I accused him of not being fair, “Don’t you think we have enough to deal with, with my having COPD! It’s very unfair that you do this to Elizabeth. We did nothing to deserve this kind of treatment! She works very hard to stay in good health, especially because of my health problem and then you strike her with this low blow, it’s just not right! Do you even listen when someone calls for your help? We need your help and your blessing, not be driven into the ground.”
I guess at some point I sat upright and realized what I had done and I was ashamed of myself. “I am sorry God for talking this way, I know there is so much work for you to do, but I never asked you for anything before until now, please help us.”
The next morning after much pleading on her part, the heart specialist let Elizabeth come home. It was such a relief to be together again.
Later on that day, we received a phone call. We have a new apartment to go to, our moving date is May 1st! We have been on a waiting list for two years! ~
I sat there very silent as I recalled my ranting of the previous night. I thought of God, and suddenly I felt quite humble. Whether it is just coincidence or not, we will never know. Right now I’m not saying too much.
Footnote: To say we are very busy right now would be an understatement. My absence in posting makes this obvious. Things are afoot. We are moving!
Over the next little while I won’t be around very much, too much packing and dismantling everything, too little time for a while. Will try to make it when able, meanwhile see you on a bright sunny day in May.
C’ya folks! ;)